epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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