I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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