I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
