somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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