There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
