a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Terrible idea I love it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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