I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
