I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
