so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
