There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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