Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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