i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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