Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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