i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
