k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
