Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
