Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
