wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
