oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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