are you still at the devil's house?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
