omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
