it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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