oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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