U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
