we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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