It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
