i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
