i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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