The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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