Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra