god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.