you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.