So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to make out with him forever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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