i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
