Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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