I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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