He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
