i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
