He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
