FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
