You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
