apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
