i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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