The maid of honor just puked.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
