I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
COCAINE IS GR8
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
