I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
