After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish you could order shots online.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
