I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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