Sry I called you an 8
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
