I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
