I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
