He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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