and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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