She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
