So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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