I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
