I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
