Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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