We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi