Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.

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(912): View more from Georgia

i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar

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(514): View more from Quebec

I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(808): View more from Hawaii

I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.

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(419): View more from Ohio

So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1

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(416): View more from Toronto

Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR

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(773): View more from Illinois

Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?

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