Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.