Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ttyl tear gas
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
